i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize