what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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