I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
