Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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