whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
