you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
