Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
