And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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