We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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