Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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