I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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