Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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