I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
