if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
