I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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