i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
