He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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