I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
