Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
