Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
