if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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