Pappa wants mamma naked
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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