Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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