whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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