nut hugger
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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