Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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