Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
