don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize