Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize