i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
