Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
