Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
