five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
