omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize