so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
