how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
