Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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