i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
