You smell like a Billy Joel song
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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