guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
