I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
