I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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