Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
