I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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