I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize