White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
