He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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