but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
