Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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