I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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