I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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