Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
