Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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