Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This house was built for laser tag.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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