Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
