Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize