somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
