I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
