those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
