her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
