Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
