I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
