There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
