It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
