grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
