I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
