You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
