ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize